Lessons from the Dark Side (or Observations in Grief)
1. You don’t die from a broken heart
2. We are social beings; we need one another. Some are equipped to sympathize
and do; some are not and don’t.
3. If you don’t answer the phone the house doesn’t collapse.
4. Asking God “Why?” doesn’t really get you anywhere.
5. Losing a child is not the same as losing a parent
6. Some people go to the cemetery to jog.
7. Creditors and electric companies expect you to keep records and pay bills.
8. Elementary schools still keep track of tardies even though grieving kids and
parents can hardly get out of bed.
9. (…and on that note, I don’t like rigidity).
10. Other people’s lives go on.
11. Holidays still roll around and we are expected to celebrate with anyone and everyone.
12. Others get over your loss a lot faster than you do.
13. Even when you can hardly walk from grief store personnel are still rude.
14. You can’t be expected to call a person if you “need something” because you
have no idea what you need.
15. My records indicate in severe trauma or grief, we lose 50% of our friends. I had two
“organ-donor-type-friends” and wound up keeping one and falling off the radar
of the other one.
16. Happiness must not be as important as it seems.
17. The postal service delivers mail to the cemetery office. As I sat there every day,
I found myself wishing our daughter, Lindsay, would have sent me a note.
18. When you are in severe grief, it is not a good time to work on a relationship that
was rocky in the first place. There is just not enough energy in the emotional bank.
19. Grief is completely exhausting.
20. We joke about being spiritually prepared for future trials, but preparation is exactly that. Knowing and experiencing God is always a benefit. It is like having a large emergency fund in the bank.
21. And a baker’s dozen of sorts to my list of 20 things: I am very glad to have married a spiritual leader. We had to grapple with pain on our own in some ways, but neither one of us cursed God or turned away from Him. To carry an ungodly person through something like this would have been a very heavy burden to bear.
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