Lessons from the Darkside

Copyright, 2015,

Lessons from the Dark Side (or Observations in Grief)

Robyn Bloem is the co-founder of Heartfelt Counseling Ministries.  She also co-authored the book,  Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel like You're Losing it with her husband Steve. It was published by Kregel Publications in 2005.  It continues to sell in the U.S. and across the world.  Robyn is a gifted poet and writer.  Robyn and Steve lost their daughter Lindsay and grand-daughter, Emily Hope in an instant when a heroin/cocaine filled drug addict hit her car head on.   Robyn, Steve and two more family members were the first to run up to the scene. Below are twenty one lessons she learned after losing her daughter and grand daughter on September 11. 2001.

1.   You don’t die from a broken heart

2.   We are social beings; we need one another. Some are equipped to sympathize 
      and do;  some are not and don’t.

3.      If you don’t answer the phone the house doesn’t collapse.

4.      Asking God “Why?” doesn’t really get you anywhere.

5.      Losing a child is not the same as losing a parent

6.      Some people go to the cemetery to jog.

7.      Creditors and electric companies expect you to keep records and pay bills.

8.      Elementary schools still keep track of tardies even though grieving kids and
         parents  can hardly get out of bed.

9.      (…and on that note, I don’t like rigidity).

10.  Other people’s lives go on.

11.  Holidays still roll around and we are expected to celebrate with anyone and everyone.

12.  Others get over your loss a lot faster than you do.

13.  Even when you can hardly walk from grief store personnel are still rude.

14.  You can’t be expected to call a person if you “need something” because you 
       have no idea what you need.

15.  My records indicate in severe trauma or grief, we lose 50% of our friends. I had two
      “organ-donor-type-friends” and wound up keeping one and falling off the radar 
      of the other one.

16.  Happiness must not be as important as it seems.

17.  The postal service delivers mail to the cemetery office. As I sat there every day, 
       I found myself wishing our daughter, Lindsay, would have sent me a note.

18.  When you are in severe grief, it is not a good time to work on a relationship that 
      was rocky in the first place. There is just not enough energy in the emotional bank.

19.  Grief is completely exhausting.

20.  We joke about being spiritually prepared for future trials, but preparation is exactly that. Knowing and experiencing God is always a benefit.  It is like having a large emergency fund in the bank.

21. And a baker’s dozen of sorts to my list of 20 things: I am very glad to have married a spiritual leader. We had to grapple with pain on our own in some ways, but neither one of us cursed God or turned away from Him. To carry an ungodly person through something like this would have been a very heavy burden to bear.

If you would like to give to our not for profit agency, Heartfelt Counseling Ministries; please go to our web site.  For your  gift of $25.00 or more we will send you our book,
Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It.  Please scroll down to the donation button.  http://heartfeltmin.org/how-can-i-get-involved.html
You can also send in a check made payable to Heartfelt Counseling Ministries. You can give your address in a box on the same donation page. Thank you, we would love to hear from you. SB