Trying to Figure it Out
It was proving to be very difficult living in the basement of our relatives house. I was having my ups and downs. Sometimes I would pray and feel God’s peace; sometimes I would pray and feel nothing. The strain was enormous. I was falling somewhere between total acceptance of God’s will…and the impulse to slam cabinet doors. Two resources helped. First, I read Edith Schaeffer's book, Affliction This books application of what Scripture says about suffering helped me to understand God in a deeper way. Mrs. Schaeffer forced me to stop asking "Why?” and start asking "Why not?"
With her book and my Bible spread before me at the table. I spent mornings trying to make sense out of our situation.
Serve God in the Alone Times
Second, I recalled a sermon I'd heard one Christmas Season. Our Grand Rapids pastor, John White, was considering Mary, the mother of Jesus. She had found herself going through labor and child birth in a small, smelly stable, without help except for her husband, Joseph. She could not understand the full import of that moment. That couple sat there alone, looking into the face of God, the Savior of the world.
In that sermon we were exhorted to serve God in the alone times, when no one knew what God might be doing.
I began to look at God’s providential hand in our lives. As I sat by myself,at the kitchen table reading His Word, remembering that sermon, and praying in my faltering faith, I knew the greatest event in history still was at work in my heart.
I was still His child. I had not run from the cross. He was still enabling me to trust Him by faith. It was not a faith that said “Everything will be okay.” It was a faith that said “God is in control". If things are not okay, we will still follow." I was finally able to accept God's will, realizing that I may never fully understand why He has allowed a certain trial. But His plan is good, even if the reason for what He is doing seems to be none of my business. This was taken from Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It, Kregel Publications,p. 83