Depression and Marriage, from the Wife's side.

A Dream Lost

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,

 declares the Lord,. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

 so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

—Isaiah 55:8–9

"Robyn: “What Has Gone Wrong?”

“I can’t do it.”

“What do you mean, you ‘can’t do it’? You have to.”

“I can’t.”He looked at me with tears on his face; his hands turned upward. With a desperate, yet resolute shrug he repeated, “I just can’t.”

"What Marriage Was Supposed to Be"

On October 28, 1978, Steve and I made vows of love and commitment to each other. When we said those phrases about “sickness and health,” I envisioned carrying a cup of chicken noodle soup up a flight of stairs during the flu season.

“For richer and poorer” meant “we probably won’t have a new car every year on a pastor’s salary.”

“For better or worse.” I guessed that had something to do with loving him before his morning shower. It all seemed simple enough. We were in love, and whatever happened, we’d manage it as a couple.

 At our wedding we lit one candle to replace our two individual candles. It was a beautiful demonstration that we were no longer two separate entities but now one unit, burning together, joined by God in magnificent marital “bliss.”

One of the things that attracted me to Steve was that he is a capable leader. He knew the Bible, and his life mirrored the things of the Lord. I was drawn by his wisdom, his sense of humor, and his sensitivity. For the first six years of our marriage, those attributes helped deepen my love for him. Along the way, God gave us three beautiful children. Steve completed seminary and a pastoral internship. He was ordained.

The preparations had seemed endless, but now we were ready.

What Marriage Was Becoming

So why, just two days before Steve’s final “candidating” visit to our dream church in central Florida, was I driving south on I-95 with our children asleep in the back seat?

More to the point, why was Steve flying twelve hundred miles north, alone and feeling desperate?

The big-picture reason for our sudden change in plans was that we live in a sin-cursed world and our bodies are subject to all kinds of disease. I didn’t see that big picture in 1985 as I drove along that highway. All I knew was that, somehow in God’s ultimate omniscient plan, Steve had developed something diagnosed as biological depression. This was not supposed to happen.

Stigma  and  Silence were  Still the Answer

Depression is still  stigmatized. It was more so in 1985, when Steve first became frighteningly ill. The stigma was worse because we lived in the world of conservative Christians. We had nowhere to turn in our confusion, for the help from Christian brothers and sisters came in the way of opinions as to what Steve’s “real problem” might be. Suggestions ranged from bad water to demon possession.


Was  it the End  for Us?

I was just deathly afraid that my husband would never recover, that he might shuffle around an institution wearing pajamas for the rest of his life. I had just turned thirty; he was twenty-nine, and life as we knew seemed to have ended.

Depression Misunderstood

As a child, Steve had no symptoms of depression. He was not the type who fought to get out of bed in the morning. He was not moody or negative. He whistled and sang, trusted the Lord, loved his family openly, and walked with God admirably.

This man now told me that he couldn’t accept a call to become pastor of the church in Florida. I was beyond angry. I was dumbfounded. How could he not accept what seemed so clearly to be God’s providential direction for our lives and ministry?

The blog from above is taken from our book, Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It.  It is published by Kregel Publications of Grand Rapids, Michigan.



It was just a few months ago that we celebrated our thirty ninth marriage  anniversary  The Lord Jesus Christ remains the Head of our home..

Remember, mental illness and depression are treatable! If you want to learn more of our story, please go to our website.
Broken Minds will make a good present  for Christmas. You can get signed copy from Robyn and Steve. We will only charge you $13 .00 for a brand new copy and $.4.00 for shipping and handling. If you give the person's address that you want to give the book, we will wrap it and send it to the person.(  U.S only).( heartfeltmin.org/join-us.html ).You can buy on-line or by check, sending it our office, the address is on the above web page.




 Please make out the check to Robyn Bloem.
Broken Minds is also available in digital forms.