Denial Runs Deep
Part of my denial was that, as a born-again believer and a
trained theologian, I did not want to entrust myself to a “system” where I
would be vulnerable to mistreatment or psychological brainwashing. A deeper
reason was that I had been taught that depression was for wimps. Surely if
Christians walked with God, they would not get depressed.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t heard the other side of the issue. One of
the professors during my pastoral internship was a psychiatrist who spoke to us
about the chemical imbalance that causes depression. I’d listened to part of a
radio program devoted to the story of a man who had depressive episodes. I
heard only part of the program because I was so afraid of identifying with the
symptoms that I changed the station. God was working in subtle ways to prepare
me, in spite of my denial.
Another reason for the denial was that I had a family I
desperately wanted to care for. As symptoms grew more acute, I increasingly was
a burden on Robyn—in addition to her responsibilities with an infant and two
other young children. I knew I was failing to live up to her expectations. She
had worked hard and lived with insecurity long enough. But instead of stepping
up to the plate, I was making her life miserable. My illness was a burden on
everyone who cared for me.
To the extent that I was able, I developed a “smiling depression,”
trying to prove the adage, “Laugh and the world laughs with you; cry and you
cry alone.” I ignored a more truthful expression in Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with
those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” Paul’s command benefits the
body of Christ when members open their lives to each other. Quite honestly, my
temporary charades fooled no one, and I couldn’t keep up the act very long. My
condition was starting to haunt me relentlessly.
Robyn and I were experiencing what the Puritans called dark
providences. Actually, the idea of providence is not very popular
in our day. Many good definitions of providence have been given, but one I
particularly like is from John Murray, the Scottish Presbyterian theologian and
educator. Murray said, “Providence is that marvelous working of God by which
all the events and happenings in His universe accomplish the purpose He has in
mind.”5
Steve: The Issue of Stress
Scripture speaks about trials and
tribulations—stress—as universal to human life and sometimes useful to help us
grow. I do not believe that pressure in itself causes mental illness. When
mental illness is present, though, stress brings it out into the open because a
person’s natural resources for dealing with stress are suddenly unavailable.
I looked at my hectic life and came to the natural conclusion that I was depressed because I was “stressed out.” That was hardly a surprising diagnosis. We were moving, without definite work prospects, and I was pursuing my vocational dream. The error of the doctors was to assume that stress in itself caused my symptoms. They didn’t ask whether I had been able to handle stress in the past, so they missed the fact that something was radically different—the onset of a mood disorder.
Stress is an easy catchall explanation for a host of maladies.
Doctors tend to be under considerable stress themselves in the examining room.
When someone comes in with symptoms of anxiety and nervousness, they perform a
cursory check on heart and blood pressure. Everything seems basically to be
working. Must be “stress.” Prescribe a generic pill to settle the nerves.
Next patient please.
Changes in the amount of time and
money a doctor can spend with a patient under “managed care” make accurate
diagnosis of mental illness more difficult. Tests indicate mental illness by
ruling out alternative causes for symptoms. That takes both time and money. There are many forms of imaging that are know being used to see mental illnesses and the brain.
(Bloem, Steve and Robyn : Broken Minds, Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It.
Kregel Publications:Grand Rapids MI, ( 2005) chapter,pp. 30-32
This book was written by Robyn and Steve Bloem.
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