Depression is not a subject which is usually talked about by
evangelical Christians.
But if you counsel those who are born again who have a mental illness, they will tell you what their symptoms are and how they affect their mood, thinking, and behavior. Now I have read some great descriptions of depression and
the best ones come from those who have experienced mental illness.
I bought a book once by Kathy Conkrite,
the daughter of the legendary newscaster, Walter Cronkite. It included descriptions of her
depression and of many famous people who suffered from it. I could only
read so much of it because I would start having Post Traumatic Stress Symptoms,
which are a result of the trauma that I have because of my own
horrible, episodic depression. People have asked me many times (including
psychiatrists); How does it feel when you are depressed?
It (depression) is hard to describe after you are feeling better. The problem is that when you are in the clutches of a depressive episode, you are too depressed to take the time to write about it. The best descriptions that I can come up with are, "it is unbearable anguish, unrelenting sorrow, it is a living Hell." I hope you don't think I am being profane. I use to joke about Hell when someone would tell me that I should go there. My answer was, "I got kicked out for selling ice cream cones." This is not original to me but I was not converted and I knew very little on the subject. I no longer joke about Hell. When I say that depression is a living Hell; I am not talking about eternal Hell but I am saying that as
far as I know it is the worse you can emote on this planet earth.
If you don't know Christ as your personal Savior, you will go to Hell and have the most awful depression.
But if you believe in Jesus Christ, you will by faith believe the infinite God/man, hung on the cros and became sin for us Read what the prophet Isaiah said about him in Is 52;14, 15
Every time I have a severe depressive episode, I think; "when I get out of this; I am going to warn people about Hell." Of course Hell is not a politically correct subject these days. Someday all those who in are Hell will be cast into the lake of fire.Whether you are depressed or not, today; Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved! Receive Him as your Savior and Lord! He gave Himself for you to redeem you from your sins.
But if you believe in Jesus Christ, you will by faith believe the infinite God/man, hung on the cros and became sin for us Read what the prophet Isaiah said about him in Is 52;14, 15
Just as there were many who were appalled at him — his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any human being and his form marred beyond human likeness so he will sprinkle many nations,and kings will shut their mouths because of him
Every time I have a severe depressive episode, I think; "when I get out of this; I am going to warn people about Hell." Of course Hell is not a politically correct subject these days. Someday all those who in are Hell will be cast into the lake of fire.Whether you are depressed or not, today; Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved! Receive Him as your Savior and Lord! He gave Himself for you to redeem you from your sins.
Below is a brief diary of my
decomposition into the dark dungeons of depression. I had recently been diagnosed
by my psychiatrist as having, bipolar 2 disorder because my depression episodes come on
quite suddenly and they are very severe in nature. Here is a brief excerpt from my diary.
May 11, 1997,
I spoke in a little country church
today. I wondered, do I have
post-traumatic stress disorder because of what I had gone through having a
pastorate in Kansas?
Also, I am having, everything is temporary obsessions and doing routine things
seem so hard today, I am feeling emotionally drained; I did
not know that this was the beginning of a new severe depressive episode.
May 12, 1997 - I called the doctor and asked him to put
me on Buspar to augment my Zoloft. This was hard for me to request
because I become passive while in a depressive episode. He said he would call it
in. I I hope this augmentation will work quickly.
May 13, 1997- I am quite depressed today, it is very
difficult to concentrate; I have moment by moment sorrow. My mind feels dead,
but I was able to get my work done and even teach a Dialectical Behavior
Therapy group this afternoon. I was able to relate to many of the woman who
have Borderline Personality Disorder and many of them also are depressed.
May 14, 1997 - I started work at about 8:00 am today.
It seems that none of my fellow case managers have noticed that I am in a
depressive episode. Maybe they do but don't know how to approach me.
From about 10-12:00 noon, I was in agony and intense sadness. There was panic and my stomach hurt, my appetite was gone. I finally told the staff psychiatrist that I could no longer work and had to go home.
From about 10-12:00 noon, I was in agony and intense sadness. There was panic and my stomach hurt, my appetite was gone. I finally told the staff psychiatrist that I could no longer work and had to go home.
Immediately separation anxiety overwhelmed
me and
I want to be with my wife. I called her and she asked me, "Is it alright
for me to go to a bible study with the ladies this afternoon or do you want me to
stay here with you? I try to be brave but after I hang up, I think, "I
have to go home." I sob uncontrollably as I drive home, wiping away tears
to be able to see. My youngest son greets me at the door and as soon as I see
him, I burst into tears. He is stunned after seeing me sob and calls for
Robyn. I pray to God, "Father please don't let me commit
suicide." Deeper and Deeper I descend into a Hell on earth. My
thought in the middle of the most intense suffering, "How will people be
able to stand Hell--- the real Hell?"
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