It has been said that you can't really understand depression unless you have felt it. I believe that this is true but these testimonies will help you somewhat understand. Please feel free to share how you would describe, depression or mania or hearing voices or OCD or panic, etc. Thanks, SB
bone crushing vortex sucking all will to live, mind numbing, black
agony,silent shrieking,disconnectedness,hopelessness,despair,distrust
A few words about how depression feels... In my aching hands I hold a thick rope attached to an anchor that lies at the bottom of a lake of molasses. I have the pleasure of hauling the anchor from one end of the lake to the other, over and over. heavy limbs, unfocused,worthless,empty,why? guilt, paranoid,deep sadness, non existence, broken nothing, sinking alone in silence,running from all including me, listening. Maybe music may spare me again tonight. writhing, consumed in fury, rage, hate, and fear crashing into the deepest darkness, shaking, alone.
Depression....
A dark tunnel with no light at the end. Heavy, cement arms and legs, eternal sleep without peace. disconnection: seeing the world from outside my skin, not able to participate in the fun of life no matter how much I want to. forced smiles, hidden feelings...despair...alone...hide from the world
What I really feel, desire to scream, but I have no voice. Sensory overload. Don't touch me, don't look at me, and don’t make noise in my presence, Noise hurts. Life, REAL life on the other end of the door, can't turn the knob...can't grasp the knob.
Depression is a link to send me under the blanket! Cement shoes are super glued to the chair, a vast nothingness all around having everything, but feeling nothing. feeling nothing, wanting something, but have no clue what that something is. mind static, a sudden realization of intense loneliness and disconnect even when smiling, feeling like crying.
A stranger in one's own home striving to make a difference, but never budging in that direction the never-ending treadmill of life, on an incline.
My mind is saturated with confusion. I have no direction, no place to go, lost.
Will someone help me remember
happiness?
The child is trembling under
her bed. Hopeless, silly dreams
crushed in a moments time.
The Darkest Chasms of your Mind"
Confusion never stops ....
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Hi Steve,
ReplyDeleteI think the scariest thing in having mental illness for me is the feeling of being on the brink of insanity. People do not realize how little it takes to push us over the edge. A few chemicals out of balance and your life turns 180. It's that feeling of being out of control and with that comes great terror.
I am just so thankful that when those dark times occur, I have a heavenly Father who hears my cries. Some times all I can say, in a whisper, is, "Father, I'm scared". He is there and He always gets me through the night even in the middle of the day.
Blessings......
Laura,
ReplyDeleteI so much appreciate your input and your transparency. We went through something like that after our son Brant was in a accident and had a concussion. He was confused for days and we were scared. God gave us grace to endure and to help him. Robyn use to sing about me, "I give all his neurons to you..." You are right on how life can change in a moment,Acts 17:28 a "...for in Him we live and move and exist..."