Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Five Ways to Help those who have a mental illness , Part 1


















Copyright All rights Reserved, January 2013

Be in the know about what mental illness is.

1. Don't be ignorant! Please stop with the phrases like, loon, nut house, crazies, fruits, nutcase, etc. And realize that the rank and file of the media (I am not talking about good documentaries) often use these phrases and their movies hardly ever get it right.

A movie which got it all wrong

A good example is the movie, One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest with Jack Nicholson. It is an excellent comedy-drama, artistically speaking, but it has forever seared into the minds of the watching public (in many countries as well as the U.S.A.) that there is nothing positive accomplished by going into a psychiatric hospital. The depiction shows a lobotomy, which in the U.S. (as far as I know) is long gone, and shows a violent, mentally ill person kill a psychiatric nurse. In a terrifying scene Nicholson's character is forced to submit to Electro Convulsive Therapy (ECT). His character is not put to sleep, is tied to a chair, and a mouth guard of sorts is shoved into his mouth. He then is administered an electric shock and has strong convulsions which cause him to scream loudly. Actually ECT is considered the safest treatment for depression and other mental illnesses and the most effective. It also has the least side effects of all treatments; much less than oral medications. I have had many treatments. When you receive ECT you are given a muscle relaxant and anesthesia by an anesthesiologist and you feel nothing at all. Furthermore, the terrifying convulsions which a long time ago broke a person’s back now only cause one toe to slightly twitch. ECT was used to bring me out of a deep depression each time I received it. Please read more our story of mental illness which is a personal, biblical and technical recounting. Please go to the link below.

2. Pray for the mentally ill. Pray that there would be medical discoveries which will help better treat this horrendous illness. If you have mental illness, keep praying. You many not feel like it and you may feel guilty and negative but if you know Christ you can go through Him to the Father with boldness and confidence. I remember being so depressed with my concentration GONE, my hope almost lost and I was able only to pray from a prayer list. I kept the same prayer list and prayed through it every day. I could get some comfort from Scripture, but the Bible which I devoured daily up to that point was too difficult to read. So, I would write verses on a 3 X 5 card and try to meditate on one or two verses each day. God was with me, but I couldn't feel Him. Even though it is dark to you it is not so with God.
Here are some Scriptures on praying. Ephesians 3:12.. In whom we have boldness and

confident access through faith in Him. Romans 5:1-3..Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand ; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.

If you wish us to pray for you or a family member who has mental illness please go to our website and click on the Contact Us form. You can also email me at bloemsteve@yahoo.com. and we will pray for you confidentiality.

If you would like to learn about our book, Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It which is published by Kregel Publications of Grand Rapids, MI, please click on the link below:
http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Minds-Healing-Youre-Losing/dp/0825421187  

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Read about horrible deaths in Nigeria, our brothers and sisters

Picture, copyright, www.persection.com 


Thanks for opening this blog.

I don't care where you are from in this world, if you are a blood bought born again believer the suffering in Nigeria should move you to prayer.

Hebrews 3:3-- Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body.

I have a burden and a responsibility to obey the above scriptural command and if you are a born again believer, so do you! How does this fit into the purpose statement of Heartfelt? It is really quite simple--Mental Illness involves intense suffering and affliction, bereavement and loss wrench the believer’s heart which looks for relief and compassion. The persecuted church across the world is undergoing terror alarm and intense physical and mental pain.

I for quite a while begun to go to the Voice of Martyrs web site and also to their newsletter to specifically obey the exhortation in the above mentioned verse.

Thank you for keeping in touch with our ministry. We would appreciate your prayers as we extend a helping hand to the hurting.

God bless!

VOM-USA Prayer Update for January 11, 2013
On Thu. Jan 10 2013 at 03:17 PM Moderator wrote:
Nigeria--Another Deadly Christmas for Christians
Source: Release International

2 Samuel 22:3

At least 12 Christians were killed in Christmas Eve church
attacks        
in northern Nigeria, and 15 others were murdered in their sleep
on Dec. 28. BokoHaram militants are suspected in both cases. On
Christmas Eve, gunmen opened fire during a time of  prayer at
 the Church of Christ in Nations in Jiri village,Yobe province, killing
five worshipers and the pastor. The attackers also set the church on fire,
 and several other   Christians were seriously injured. On the same 
night, a deacon andfive other Christians were killed at the First
 Baptist Church in Maiduguri, Borno state. Four days later, attackers
 invaded the
homes of Christians in Musari, outside Maiduguri, and slit the
throats of 15 Christians during the early morning hours. A number
of Christians had moved to the Musari area to flee violence in
Maiduguri. This is the third consecutive year that Christians
in the north have been violently attacked during the Christmas 
season. Churches in northern Nigeria were nearly empty on        
Christmas day.

Philippines--VOM Vehicle Struck by Bomb
Source: VOM Sources

Psalm 5:11

A VOM worker narrowly escaped injury on Dec. 26 when a

roadside bomb exploded directly in front of his vehicle.
The windshield and rear window were busted and the right
side of the vehicle received damage, but the VOM worker and
 passengers were unharmed. A motorcycle taxi driver in front
of the VOM truck was killed in the blast. The bombing is thought
to be related to ongoing violence by  Muslim separatists in the
Philippines. "Praise God for his protection,"wrote the worker.
The Moro Islamic Liberation Front on the island of Mindanao        
recently signed an agreement with the Philippine government in
which the MILF was granted autonomy over more of the island.
However, the agreement has not stopped the violence. Christians are
 specifically targeted by the MILF and other Muslim extremists that
 seek to rid the region of non-Muslims.

Indonesia--Mob Attacks Christmas Procession
Source: Jakarta Globe

Micah 6:8

A long-beleaguered church in Indonesia faced harassment once again        

during their Christmas services. As members of the Filadelfia Batak
Christian Protestant Church (FBCP) walked toward their church
property during a Christmas Eve procession prior to the service, a mob
pelted them with eggs and other items. The FBCP's church property
was confiscated and sealed by local authorities several months ago,
 but the Supreme Court ordered authorities to stop sealing off the property.
Local officials have ignored the order. When the church again tried to
meet on Christmas day, attackers hurled excrement and bags of urine
 at the congregation.

Pakistan
VOM Project

During the Christmas holiday, an evangelist in Pakistan was accused

 of blasphemy. Because of the seriousness of the charge, he was forced
to flee the country for a short time. In the past, such charges have led        
to lengthy trials, imprisonments or both. Please pray for him and his family.

Please visit our web site, http://www.heartfeltmin.org


       

 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Panic Attacks, Terrifying and Sudden



 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

 
 

 

I believe that as it with many things, you cannot understand panic attacks, unless you have experienced them. When I was first depressed I had panic attacks and feelings of derealization.
   I thought and felt like I was losing my mind. Panic disorder is very treatable. I am on two       SSRIS (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibiters),Sertraline (Zoloft) and Fluvoxamine (Luvox).  My panic attacks are kept in check by these medications.  Panic attacks can lead to agoraphobia. People who are afraid of having a panic attack in public, sometime do not leave the relative comfort of their home. Agora -Phobia usually requires cognitive behavioral therapy. Steve Bloem

From John Hopkins

Anxiety is a common, normal and often useful response to life's challenges and dangers. But in people who suffer from an anxiety disorder, anxiety levels spin out of control, causing psychological and physical symptoms that interfere with normal functioning, appear even in the absence of obvious external stressors or are clearly excessive in the face of the stressors.

Researchers believe that anxiety disorders result from hyperactivity in certain areas of the brain, perhaps related to low levels of the neurotransmitter gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA), which is responsible for keeping activity levels of nerve cells in check.

Panic disorder. One of the five major forms of anxiety disorder is panic disorder -- sudden but short-lived attacks of terror and a fear of losing control.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 6 million adults (about 3 percent of adult Americans) suffer from panic disorder each year. It is twice as common in women as in men. One study estimated that only one in four people with panic attacks receive appropriate care.

Panic attacks begin without warning during nonthreatening activities. Affected individuals often go to the emergency room or consult a cardiologist because the physical symptoms are similar to those of a heart attack. Panic attacks generally peak within 10 minutes and dissipate within 20 to 30 minutes. They are characterized by some combination of the following symptoms:

  • Shortness of breath or hyperventilation
  • Heart palpitations or a racing pulse
  • Discomfort in the chest
  • Dizziness, lightheadedness or feeling faint
  • Choking, nausea or stomach pain
  • Sweating
  • Hot or cold flashes
  • Trembling or shaking
  • A feeling of detachment from one's surroundings or a sense of unreality
  • Tingling or numbness
  • Fear of dying or losing one's mind
John Hopkins Hospital.


For an online panic assessment tool, please go to:
 http://mentalhealth.bizcalcs.com/Calculator.asp?Calc=Panic-Attacks-Disorder


Heartfelt Counseling Ministries
4371 Northlake Blvd. Ste. 256
Palm Beach Gardens, FL 33410
If you would like to read more about my personal encounter with panic attacks then you will need
to order our book, Broken Minds, Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It.  Heartfelt Counseling Ministries is having a sale right now.  Broken Minds retails $14.00 plus tax. I will give a signed copy or copies to you at cost + shipping.  My cost is $7.00. You send the check to Heartfelt Counseling Ministries, 4371 North lake Blvd., Suite 256, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida.
Please visit our contact us page and confirm for us that you ordered it. http://www.heartfeltmin.org/#!contact/cito.
Heartfelt Counseling Ministries
4371 Northlake Blvd. Ste. 256
Palm Beach Gardens, FL 33410
If you want to read more about the contents of Broken Minds, please go to http://books.google.com/books/about/Broken_Minds.html?id=HQAzGHfmdJUC
Discounts on larger orders our available.  Please email me at the above email or call us at 616.427.0775
Thanks,
Steve Bloem

Heartfelt Counseling Ministries
4371 Northlake Blvd. Ste. 256
Palm Beach Gardens, FL 33410
Please email me and tell me  by using the Contact Us form that you ordered it at camimovement@yahoo.com




Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Aurora, Colorado, disaster, surviviors need time

Guest blogger Robyn Bloem
 
"I saw on the news this morning that some of the grief-struck parents are irate that the theatre where that "other" massive shooting took place in Aurora, CO is hosting a memorial for the families and offering tickets to go. They see it as a place of horror and do not want to return to that scene. They feel the gesture as insensitive and totally out of line. Then we have other families who return to "Ground Zero" in NY or go out on the open seas where a ship sunk to remember and lament. What is the difference? I think, for one thing, no two people react the same way AT THE SAME TIME and also, grieving is a prolonged period of ups and downs. Maybe these parents are just not ready yet or for the same reason that marriages are so strained after the death of a child; no one can do ANYTHING right or offer any remedy to the heart break. If this same theatre did nothing, that would be "wrong," too in the eyes of the grieving. I knew my friends were condemned if they did and condemned if they didn't. I was a total wreck of emotional inconsistency. Horrendous pain requires faithful, tough friends who love us anyway...I had a few of those and surprisingly enough, lost "friends" who left me in my solitude of sadness. Parental grievers don’t want to be a burden: we just are. And speaking for the sad and in honor of the hangers-on, we thank you. Don’t be too hard on these suffering families or on those who reach out and perhaps do the “wrong” thing. Death of a child is sticky business and we all go a little off our rockers!
Please go to our the link below and read more about our book, Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It, Kregel Publications.
 
 
 
 
                                                                                                                 
Steve, Lindsay and Robyn Bloem

 

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Violence and the mentally ill.

 Jack Pinto and Noah Ponzer, who were victims
of a recent shooting in Conneticut, USA,

Copyright, all rights reserved, 2013
I was once asked, "Would you please assess the calligraphy writer?"

In light of the horrible tragedy that happened in Connecticut, I feel that it is necessary to make some comments about the subject of the mentally ill and violence.
I had worked many years for a non-profit mental health agency as  a clinical case manger. I was part of a multidisciplinary team that consisted of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers and psychiatric nurses.
 
Threats were being made to the women who worked at the agency.
I was once asked by my clinical director to assess a man who had been writing letters in calligraphy describing how he was going to rape torture and kill the women who worked at the agency. The suspect was too smart to make specific threats and the safety committee which had very little experience felt that he was not a danger to the agency.
I was waiting for him to make a mistake and make more specific threats. Most states make it possible to petition the court for involuntary commitment to a psychiatric hospital if  the subject is a danger to self or others or can not take care of his basic needs.
As a mental health professional, my knowledge of the client that I was seeking to admit to the hospital had to have been  first hand knowledge, not hear-say.  Also, as a mental health professional, our state had a "duty to warn," that is, we had to warn the person in danger and tell them someone made a specific threat against them.  In ten years I only had this happen about three times and each time I telephoned the individuals and warned them of the threats. 
Something unusual happened in the case involving this "calligraphy writer." My wife and I were
working for a Christian organization to the homeless and the above mentioned man was part of a Bible Study. I was teaching this group in the apartment mezzanine where he and many other mentally ill persons lived. Two of our children were also coming with us to this study.

I went to the FBI because my wife was mentioned in the notes
As I kept getting these notes, one made me alarmed and worried.  This man had made some remarks in his calligraphy writings about my wife. The way he described the focus of his attention was very obvious to be Robyn. I could tell by the physical attributes he described and also by the way he highlighted her temperament.
At the time, although it may sound funny, I was watching the FBI Files every week on the television. I knew that there was a FBI office in our city, so I took the calligraphy notes to them and asked if I could see an agent. I explained to the receptionist why I was there.
An FBI agent came into the reception area and told me that he could only take the notes if he charged the man with a crime.  He then said, as a courtesy because my wife was mentioned in the notes he would advise me as to what he felt should be done.   I handed him the notes and he said, "I believe this man is very dangerous.  Your wife must be careful to not be too friendly or he will think that she is coming on to him."  He also said that she "must not be fearful or he would interpret fear as a weakness and thus become his prey."
Well so much for the safety committee.  I had already warned my wife and children to never be alone with this man.  I repeated the caution to them and I continued on at work and at the Bible Study.

He crossed the line- involuntary commitment moves forward.
In a few days, the client was more specific towards the women at the agency.  I went to court and testified that he was psychotic, and a serious danger to others.  The judge accepted this and gave an order that he be picked up by the police for an involuntary confinement in a psychiatric hospital.
I then went to the police station and described him, told them where he lived, etc.  They picked him up and took him to the hospital. He was required to take anti-psychotic medications and after a couple of weeks he was stable and was discharged from the hospital. He came to me and apologized for what he had said in the letters and actually thanked me for intervening.  Now this brings me to my next point.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/about/director/2011/understanding-severe-mental-illness.shtml

I know what it is like to lose a daughter and her baby.  In our case the weapon used to kill them was a car and the perpetrator was a drug addict who was shooting up heroin and also doing crack and marijuana while driving.  Our daughter Lindsay was eight months pregnant and she and her husband has already named their baby Emily Hope. Lindsay was hit head-on when she was driving  home from a prayer meeting held at our church, on the evening of September 11, 2001.
At the court hearing I kept saying over and over again, "We are going after the terrorists over there {in Afghanistan} but what about the terrorists on the roads here in America?"
Now, I would like to make a few comments in regard to the violent mentally ill.

1. The violent mentally ill are a statistical rarity. A recent writer with the NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health) said this,
"Is violence more common in people with SMI? Yes, during an episode of psychosis, especially psychosis associated with paranoia and so-called “command hallucinations”, the risk of violence is increased. People with SMI are up to three times more likely to be violent and when associated with substance abuse disorders, the risk may increase much further.i But, mental illness contributes very little to the overall rate of violence in the community. Most people with SMI are not violent, and most violent acts are not committed by people with SMI. In fact, people with SMI are actually at higher risk of being victims of violence than perpetrators. Teplin et al found that those with SMI are 11 times more likely to be victims of violent crime than the general population.
The most common form of violence associated with mental illness is not against others, but rather, against oneself. In 2007, the most recent year for which we have statistics, there were almost 35,000 suicides, nearly twice the rate of homicides. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States.Although it is not possible to know what prompted every suicide, it is safe to say that unrecognized, untreated mental illness is a leading culprit."


2. We should not wait until violence occurs to discuss the whole issue of mental illness.
People tend to care very little about the mentally ill until there is something newsworthy that may (or may not) involve a mentally ill person. Mental illness has become an accepted illness among many Americans. Obsta Principa or check the first symptoms is important when dealing with those of the mentally ill who indicate they may be violent.

3. PLEASE do not cause further suffering among the mentally ill because you somehow believe they are dangerous if they own a gun.
When was first depressed in 1985, I made the mistake of not getting treatment in a psychiatric hospital because I was afraid I would not be able to go pheasant and deer hunting.  I also had one occasion years later to brandish my shotgun to four criminals. They had come onto our property and were trying to extort money from my son and being abusive toward my wife.  I never pointed the gun at them. I was in my house when I racked a shell in the gun, and pointed it in the air and told them to get off my property.  They promptly did so without injury to either them or my family and I have never been psychotic.

4.  Mental health professional shoud do a risk assessment every time they treat a person who has suicidal and homicidal ideation.  Violence is not something you read about in the papers or see on the news.  It happens within a context of violence. If a duty to warn is warranted then it should be done.

5. Mentally ill people should be held accountable for their actions.

 I have seen psychotic grandmothers, take care of children in a safe and caring way. I have also dealt with cold hearted killers who were in the mental health system.  It is said alcohol and the mentally ill do not mix well. Our daughter Lindsay and grand daughter Emily Hope were killed by a drug addict.  He was charged with three 15-year felonies which run concurrently so the most he will serve is fifteen years. His behavior has been deplorable so he is still in prison but is married and has many rights and privileges that our daughter never had.


6.  What a horror for Newtown Connecticut!
I am thankful that the President is very concerned about these little ones. We should do more to protect them.

We must realize that the Lord Jesus Christ tells us in John 8:44:
You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
 
We need to pray for revival in the land.  We need people filled with the Holy Spirit reaching out to others in their spheres telling them the good news of the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ.
 


Please read more about mental illness in our book, Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It. It is available in Kindle, e-book, etc. Please go to:
http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Minds-Healing-Youre-Losing/dp/0825421187

Sunday, December 30, 2012

What do you do when sorrows like sea billows roll?

Yes, the title reflects the words of Horatio Spafford which he penned after his four daughters drowned in the ocean.  His wife was the only one from the Spaffords to survive. (Horatio was not on the ship).  She even tried to hold their two-year-old daughter as she was ripped from her arms.  A couple of years before the shipwreck, Horatio and Anna experienced a difficult trial.
As you know, the Christian life can be full of dark providences.   Spafford invested in real estate north of an expanding Chicago in the spring of 1871. When the Great Fire of Chicago reduced the city to ashes in October 1871, it also destroyed most of Spafford's sizable investment. The rest of the story can be read by going to the link below.

Robyn and I have lost a daughter, Lindsay Ruth who was nineteen at the time of her death.  She was married and was eight months pregnant with her first child already named Emily Hope. Her precious baby also died and was placed in her arms two days later, fully developed, in the casket. How did this happen?
They were killed by a drugged driver on Sep 11, 2001. We were behind her returning from a prayer vigil for the families of the victims of the terrorist attacks. We were the first ones to run up on her dying form. One of our sons was "enlisted" by the paramedics to help try to revive her. Believe me when I say, there was plenty of trauma to go around. A year later, in November of 2002, we were able to buy a different house with money from an insurance settlement because of Lindsay's death.  We invested the $100,000 as a sizable down payment this house. We were trying to resume our lives. Our boys returned to work and school and I did my job as a social worker. Two years after Lindsay's death, Robyn developed breast cancer.One day when she was returning home from one of her radiation treatments in the Spring of 2004, I called her cell phone and told her I had just lost my job. There have been blessings of God since all of this has happened.
 
Heartfelt Ministries is born.
We started Heartfelt Ministries and know we have helped many hurting people. The ministry has its ups and downs financially and the job market, as many have experienced, is very difficult. We were able to meet most of our financial obligations since my job loss in 2002, but one bad year, when we only made $10,000.00 resulted in our losing the house that we bought with Lindsay's settlement; that happened last December (2011). Many questions have crossed our hearts and the evil one accuses God to us as to His love and goodness. But, we must persevere by God's truly amazing grace.

Are you tempted to despair? Oh  yes!   Are their questions unanswered? Oh yes.
How did the Spafford's make it, how have Christians of all ages been able to endure losses, trials and tribulation?  I have addressed this question in many of my blogs.  Robyn and I have treated the subject in our book, Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It, which is published by Kregel Publications of Grand Rapids.  The bottom line is that we walk by faith not by sight. Below are some words from a sermon by Charles Spurgeon, Faith versus Sight.

Spurgeon was a contemporary of the Spaffords.  Read carefully his words.
Genuine Christian reasoning is this—I have trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ. He says that as many as receive Him are the sons of God. I have received Him, and I am therefore a son of God. Now, whether my Father kisses me or flogs me, I know that I am His son. I am not going to be guided by my state and condition, but by my faith as to the promise of the Word.

Lindsay Ruth
 He further says that if I have received Christ I  have the privilege to be a child of God. Then, whether I am rich or poor—whether I am sick or healthy—all these are matters of sight.III I do not bring them into the calculation. I take the naked Word of God as it stands—that I am God's child. If He slays me I am His child. If He lets me go to prison, if He should suffer me to rot in a dungeon, or to burn at the stake, I am still His child! I do not look upon circumstances as at all affecting my position.   
Oh Beloved, if you once begin calculating your position before God according to your temporal circumstances, where will you be? Do not talk any more of believing—you have given it up—and you are really walking by sight. Perhaps many of you do not make precisely this mistake, but there is another way of doing it. "Now," says one, "I have believed in Jesus Christ, but I am afraid I am not saved, for I feel tonight so depressed in spirits, and so unhappy." "Oh," says another, "you need not tell me that I have trusted in Jesus Christ, for I am sure I am saved, because I feel so happy."

The purpose of Heartfelt Counseling is to come alongside, and comfort those suffering from mental illness, bereavement and the persecuted church. I invite you consider joining us online for a our CAMI (Christians Afflicted with Mental Illness) support group.  You can call me at 616.427-0775 or email me, bloemsteve@yahoo.com for more information.

 
Here is the link to  a blog about the Spaffords.

http://www.zianet.com/maxey/reflx331.htm


Our book Broken Minds has been published by Kregel Publications.   It is available in Kindle,'
It has a powerful story line and has also been given an academic status by Kregel.

 http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Minds-Healing-Youre-Losing/dp/0825421187

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Why is it I felt so bad, so sad, so quickly?

Copy right 2012, by Steve Bloem

This is not a subject which is usually talked about by evangelical Christians. But if you counsel those who are born again and they have mental illness you will hear it mentioned many times. I have read some great descriptions of depression and the best ones come from those who have have experienced it themselves.
I bought a book once by Kathy Conkrite, the daughter of the legendary newscaster, Walter Cronkite. It included descriptions of her own depression and that of many famous people.
I could only read her book in small doses because it brought on Post Traumatic Stress symptoms because of my own horrible depression over the past 27 years.
Getting Personal, A Hell on earth?
I should get personal at this point. Here is something that I wrote after coming back from Dialectical Behavioral training in Seattle, Washington in the year 1997.
"It (depression) is hard for me to describe after I start to feel better. The problem is that when I am in the throes of a depressive episode, I am too depressed to take the time to write about it. The best description that I can come up with is that it is unbearable anguish; it is a living hell.
I hope you don't think I am being profane. I used to joke about hell when someone would tell me that I should go there. My answer was, "I got kicked out for selling ice cream cones." This was not original with me but being unconverted, I didn't care or understand anything about hell. I guess what I mean is that Hell is the worst reality a person could ever experience and it is eternal. The Good News, the truly great news is that since I have trusted Jesus Christ, I can say with Toplady,

The terrors of law and of God with me can have nothing to do;
My Saviour’s obedience and blood hide all my transgressions from view.
My name from the palms of His hands, eternity will not erase;
Impressed on His heart it remains, in marks of indelible grace.
Yes, I to the end shall endure, as sure as the earnest is giv’n;
More happy, but not more secure, the glorified spirits in Heav’n.

Depression is by far the most painful experience that I have ever felt. There is no real comparison to what the infinite God/Man experienced when He hung on the cross and became sin for us. Because of the beating he was given, his face was marred more than anyone else. I do not believe Isaiah was talking about Christ's bloody face, though that was part of it; it was because He had been through Hell while on the cross.
Isaiah 52:13-15. See, my servant will act wisely; he will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted. Just as there were many who were appalled at him-- his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man and his form marred beyond human likeness-- so will he sprinkle many nations, and kings will shut their mouths because of him. For what they were not told, they will see, and what they have not heard, they will understand.

Bipolar 2 disorder
I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist as having bipolar 2 disorder because my depression comes on quite suddenly and is very severe in nature. Here is an account of it in 1997. I was working as a case manager at a local mental health center and had just returned from my second intensive training program which was taught by Marsha Linehan in Seattle,Washington. I began to experience some of the early symptoms of an oncoming depression. Here are some of my thoughts that should have tipped me off to another episode.
May 11, 1997: I was a guest speaker in a little country church today. I wondered, Do I have post-traumatic stress disorder because of what we experienced in the pastorate in Kansas?

What is happening to me?
Also, I am wondering, Is everything temporary? I am experiencing obsessions and I have very low energy. Life is so hard today. I am feeling emotionally drained.
May 12,1997 - I called the doctor and asked him to put me on Buspar to augment my Zoloft. This was hard for me to request it because I usually become passive while in a depressive episode. He said he will call it in and I hoped this augmentation would work quickly.
Distraction through working
May 13, 1997- I am quite depressed today. it is very difficult to concentrate; I have moment by moment sorrow. My mind feels dead, but I was able to get my work done and even teach a Dialectical Behavior Therapy group this afternoon. I was able to relate to many of the women who have Borderline Personality Disorder because many of them also are depressed.
May 18, 1997 - I started work at about 8:00 am today. It seems that none of my fellow case mangers have noticed that I am in a depressive episode. Maybe they do but don't know how to approach me. From about 10-12:00 noon, I was in agony and intense sadness. I was panicky, my stomach hurt and my appetite was gone. I finally told the staff psychiatrist that I could not longer work and had to go home.
Deeper and Deeper into Depression

Immediately, separation anxiety overwhelmed me and I wanted to be with my wife. I called her and she asked me, Is it all right for me to go to a study with the ladies this afternoon or do you want me to stay here with you? I tried to be brave but after I hung up, I think, I have to go home. I sob uncontrollably as I drive home, wiping way tears to be able to see the road. My youngest son greets me at the door and as soon as I see him, I burst into tears. He is stunned and calls for Robyn. I pray to God, Father please don't let me commit suicide. Deeper and Deeper I descend into a Hell on earth. My thought in the middle of the most intense suffering is, How will people be able to stand Hell--- the real Hell?
It is Time to change medicine.
Robyn calls the psychiatrist and she is allowed access to him during his patient session. I try to compose myself when he says that he wants to try me on Ritalin. I went on it but I also begged him to put me on Paxil. He consented to it. Around 2:00 p.m, I feel relief.. Now the depression is bearable but still gloom is all around me. I think to myself, How long will it be before the Paxil works? I know I must wait on God to bring me out of the suffering, most likely through the medication.
Saturday, May 17, 1997. This is my third day on Paxil. I went to Brant's and Tyler's baseball games today. It was a good distraction. My mom and dad came and showed us some support. All I can handle now is watching T.V. (I realized how mindless television can be; it is just about all I can          do when severely depressed.)
 

Read more of the story of my depression and my wife's view of my depression as a caregiver.
Our book is called, Broken Minds Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It.
http://www.amazon.com/Broken-Minds-Healing-Youre-Losing/dp/0825421187

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Please call me at 616.427.0775 or email be at bloemsteve@yahoo.com